My heart weeps. In the recent weeks we have lived between hope and fear concerning friends of my parents. My neighbors across the street from the past, who in the era without a (mobile) telephone, exchanged light signals with my parents to have a drink with each other. Parents of the daughter with whom I often went roller skating and who introduced me to my first music show on television.
My father’s strong and loyal friend, who was still in the middle of life, was no match for the Covid virus. His wife was also infected and very ill, but did not have to be admitted. She now comes home to a house where everything reminds her of him. You don’t think about that when your partner is picked up by the ambulance. You never even want to think about him never coming home, but then it happens. And his shoes are still in the familiar spot, ready to step in…
His daughter made the funeral bouquet for my father just a few months ago and tears were shed when my mother and sister came to pick up the bouquet from her store.
It’s surreal, so soon after my father’s passing. Even though Covid has been around for over a year, it is still unexpected when such a strong and healthy man becomes infected, has to fight for his life and does not recover. I especially hope that his family still got the chance to say the things they wanted to say… And I imagine he is now in a beautiful place, where my father welcomed him with open arms.
I think of other fathers who are missed. My father-in-law’s situation was the opposite of my father’s. While my father was ill for a long time, my father-in-law was suddenly gone. He had just been cleared by a doctor, who said his heart would make it to 100. A few weeks later he suffered a cardiac arrest, 46 years young, sitting at the kitchen table. My husband, then an eighteen-year-old boy, was walking the dog. When he returned from the walk, his father was no longer there. The feeling that you have not been able to say goodbye versus the feeling that you see your loved one deteriorate and suffer. And everything in between; it’s all devastating.
It makes me realize again that you have to seize your opportunities.
Two years ago we had a garden room installed in the garden; a long-cherished wish, which came at the expense of a trip to America. The boys were allowed to participate in the decision-making process and the idea was that the garden room would last longer than the holiday and that they could chill out with friends. The day it was completed, I discovered the lump in my breast and after the diagnosis I thought ‘F*ck, if only the four of us had gone on a trip… now we have to wait and see if that will ever be possible again. ..’. And then Covid came, so chilling with friends was also quite disappointing.
It has now been two years and we had piles of old stones left in the garden, which I wanted to use to create raised borders. Why throw away bricks and buy new ones? When the sun started shining again, I took my chance to get started. Not on energy, but on willpower. I glued planters from the stones and I am already proud of the result. I did the math: one stone weighs almost 4 kg and I lugged around 2000 kg in total (actually twice as much if you consider that I had to brush each stone clean). I will also be plastering and cementing; never done that before, but that will be fine. You just have to start. Look at what is possible and realize that it is special.
The satisfaction far outweighs the muscle pain. Our tropical paradise is getting closer. In the shed I came across all kinds of containers with sprouting flower bulbs. They have a nice spot in the garden again; one with a faded card ‘Happy birthday, love mom and dad’…
April 7, 2021
Today we said goodbye to my parents’ friend, my former neighbor across the street. And as if it had to be, he is again my father’s neighbor, but now across the cemetery. It was cold, bleak and wet, as if the weather gods did not agree that someone so full of life had been taken. Unlike my father; he was ready and on the day of his funeral it was not cold and bleak, but windless and foggy with a few rays of sunshine. But today when we stood with a large group of people around the grave of his friend (and therefore also my father’s) and then the sun broke through. We were all warmed by it and the sea of flowers radiated towards us. Goodbye dear friend. Greetings to my father ♥️